I think that when it comes to the question of the desire to fuck, there are three variations.

(This is in no way an exhaustive list, there may be far more, it is just that I can at least attest to the existence of these three. Also, while we are still in parenthesis, let me just say that this is about to get graphic; hide your children.)

 1) “I want to fuck you.”

2) “I want to be the one who fucks you.”

3) “I want to fuck, and you will do.”

 I think it is likely that you will experience all three of these in your lifetime. Potentially with the same person, and maybe even at the same time.


The “I want to fuck, and you will do” desire is the basest. Not just physical but physiological, evolutionary, and chemical. Here the person is not important, only the variables in their biological construction.

It is hormone fueled. It is simple and yet mysterious, or perhaps just mystifying; like how you are able to beat your heart without ever having to learn, or why lavender smells better than cow shit.

It is the desire that keeps tinder in business and fuels the vast majority of internet porn. It is the reason that said pornographic material expresses itself the way it does; with breasts, penises and buttocks as big as possible. Where passion is expressed by volume, volume of flesh, volume of people, volume of screams. Where intensity is expressed by the athleticism exhibited in these orifice stretching and stuffing Olympics. All available online, instantly, at the click of the button, and this is key.

It is the drive behind both the world’s oldest profession and the more recent rise of the Jackson Pollocks of jizz.  


The “I want to be the one that fucks you” desire is the most abstract. It exists on the most intellectual and mythical layer of reality, along with our egos. Here the person, specifically as they are defined by your peers, is most important.  

It is the desire to fuck someone, in order to become the person that has fucked them or is fucking them. It is enjoyed more deeply before and after sex, than during. 

It is desire that other desires like BDSM are predicated upon. Particularly domination and submission, as politics are a symptom of self. In fact, it reduces all fucking to role play, just that sometimes the roles we play are those cast by our society and referred to by the names our parents gave us.

At best it fuels sex in the religious sense; the deification of the other, the impetus to find our existential place literally inside another. At worst it gives rise to such conventions as contemporary marriage. (Or maybe it is the other way around, I guess that too depends on the kind of person you are.)

When you are driven by this desire parading is important. Being seen together at parties, in shared online profile photos, at big weddings and in even bigger wedding albums, and (God forbid) in matching outfits.

It is often encountered by those who seek love.

But its satisfactions are far from the moment, always elusive and never enough.


The “I want to fuck you” desire is the most cosmic. It is the hardest to describe as it exists on a different layer of reality than language. It is too present and immediate to be considered abstract, and yet too much a product of consciousness to be considered physical.

It is the desire to complement rhythms, close loops and create bonds. It is the way that Yin fucks Yang, and water flows.

It is fueled by the resonance between what one might call ‘souls’ (for lack of a better term) at certain points in space-time. It arrives without planning, and disappears without warning. In fact the surest way to avoid this desire is to try to plan for it, the surest way to kill it is to try to hold onto it, tightly.  

It is often encountered by those who love without seeking love.

But it is more comparable to gravity, electrical charge or osmosis. It mirrors the form of the universe’s desire to spread its particles and fill spaces.